Drunken mistakes
by small-ant38
Summary: It only took one word from Blaine to break Kurt's heart. Some say that alcohol makes you forget about bad things and Kurt believes them. Yet he won't be the only one to drink and the consequences won't be good ones at all. Puckurt. M/M, mention of rape.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi guys ! Here is a short fic I wrote last week, it won't last more than four chapters I guess.**

**Warning: It's rated M for male on male action, if you don't like it, don't read it. There will also be mention of rape (actually it's attempted rape) so just be careful if you're fragile.**

**Eventual Puckurt, of course !**

**I really hope you will like it as much I enjoyed writing it !**

**Please read and review !**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong>

"Oh yeah, Nicholas, you feel so good !" Kurt froze. He looked up at Blaine whose eyes were closed in pleasure and stopped moving.

"What did you just say ?" He asked rhetorically. Blaine opened his eyes and stopped his thrusting, looking lost. "I knew it." Kurt said bitterly.

"Kurt, I'm sorry I-"

"Go away." Kurt told him calmly.

"Kurt, please I didn't mean to-"

"Look, I'm sorry you didn't have enough time to come picturing your ex boyfriend instead of me but I don't feel in the mood of finishing what we started, so now, please go away." Blaine looked upset, but Kurt just looked away as he went out of him. Blaine grabbed his clothes and got dressed, looking at Kurt remorsefully.

"You're the one I love Kurt. You know that." Blaine said, his eyes imploring for forgiveness.

"Leave me alone Blaine." Kurt told him, sitting on the edge of his bed, his bed sheets around his body. He looked at the floor, listening to the footsteps leaving the room slowly, hoping to be called out. When the door of his room was closed, Kurt allowed himself to shed a tear. He didn't want to cry himself to sleep over this stupid break up right now. He got dressed again and went upstairs with the hope of stealing a bottle from his dad's stock. Burt and Carole were gone for one week so it was only Finn and Kurt at home and things were doing well. Well, officially it was Finn and Kurt but it seemed like Puck had decided to stick around for the week.

"Hey bro, what happened ? Blaine went away, he looked all upset." Finn told Kurt as he entered the living room.

"We broke up." Kurt simply said as he looked through his father's stock of alcohol.

"Did he hurt you ?" Puck asked, going out of the kitchen, a huge sandwich in his hands. "Want me to kick his ass or something ?" He offered.

"No Puck, but thank you for offering. Now if you have a bottle of vodka I wouldn't say no." Kurt replied.

"I do have vodka but there's no way you're drinking it in your cave on your own weeping over your boyfriend. Either you stay here with us or you don't drink." Puck decided.

"Deal." Kurt said, collapsing on the couch next to Finn. Puck followed and sat next to him, bringing two bottles and glasses with him.

"So, what has he done to you ?" Finn asked again as Puck poured the vodka.

"I don't want to talk about it." Kurt answered.

"He doesn't know how to fuck properly, I knew it." Puck said in a triumphant tone.

"Dude, come on I don't want to picture my bro having sex." Finn told Puck. "No offense." He added looking at Kurt.

"None taken." Kurt assured him, because he felt the same about Finn.

"Well, as I picture it he'd be all kinds of feisty in bed." Puck said smirking. Kurt blushed furiously, not having expected that at all. He glared at Puck, standing up.

"I'm calling it a night, good night guys." He said.

"Dude, you haven't drunk your vodka." Puck said, pointing at the glass full of pure vodka on the table. Kurt grabbed the glass, drank it in one sip and slammed it on the table as Puck and Finn stared at him stunned. He quickly walked to his room, before the dizziness started and closed the door. Truth was, Kurt didn't handle alcohol at all, he didn't know anyone who got drunk as fast as him. But he didn't want to let the two others know about it, that's why he was now standing in the dark of his room, peeling his clothes off to go to bed. He laid down, feeling the dizziness take over a part of his brain as he thought of the Blaine's fiasco. He had been supposed to stay here the whole week, they had been looking forward to it for so long, it hurt to see that Kurt had kicked him out on the first day. Kurt was so angry at him, he wanted to insult him in every single language for treating him like that, but he remained calm, staring at the ceiling of his dark room. Blaine didn't deserve him anyway, Kurt could find much better, maybe he'd have to wait until college but he would find the perfect man, someone who would be turned on by Kurt and who wouldn't need to picture some blurry memory of an ex.

He was half asleep when Kurt heard the door of his room open and close. He assumed it was Finn who came to check if he was doing okay but decided to pretend to be sleeping. The footsteps were heavy on the stairs, but everyone had drunk, it was not surprising. What surprised Kurt, though, was the sound of clothes being dropped on the floor, was Finn really undressing in his room ? Kurt didn't move, he stayed still in his uncomfortable position, trying to get what was going on. Finally he felt a heavy weight on the bed and someone lying beside him, with a content sigh.

"Dude, you're so fuckin' hot." Puck. It was Puck who was lying beside him. Puck who just said that he was hot. The only explanation was that he had walked through a dimensional gate without even noticing. And that dimension was really far from the normal one because right now Puck was leaning over him, kissing and sucking the skin of his neck and his cheeks. At that point, Kurt opened his eyes to see if it was some kind of prank or something but Puck looked completely passionate and Kurt concluded from the smell of ethanol that it was only because he was drunk.

"What the-" He was stopped by Puck's mouth attacking his, his tongue was shoved in his mouth and he could not think straight anymore. Kurt was a gay teenage boy and Puck was awfully hot. Having him onto him like that, kissing him and touching him, that was something Kurt could not say no to. And that was the best way to prove himself that he could get over Blaine.

The daze state he was in made Puck's touch warm and so much more pleasant than Blaine's. Kurt allowed his hands to wander over Puck's skin and he quickly realized that Puck was already naked, he didn't even have underwear. His mouth ran dry when he felt the huge erection against his own bulge. He thrust his hips for some friction because he was hard as well but Puck stopped him. He didn't say a thing, he just took hold of Kurt's boxer briefs and removed it without even asking for permission. Kurt let him do so, though, because he was craving for the same thing right now. For a split second, he thought that nothing good could come out of that, Puck was heavily drunk, he wouldn't do that if he was not. But the thought vanished as soon as Kurt saw Puck grabbing a condom and rolling it on.

So they were really going to do that, they were going to have sex. Kurt had only had sex three times with Blaine and it wasn't at all pleasant for him, but now Puck was above him, placed between his legs and sucking the skin of his neck and Kurt knew it would be awesome. He didn't worry about the stretching, he was already stretched from Blaine and hour and a half earlier. He was beginning to wonder why was Puck doing that when he felt the penetration and couldn't think straight at all. Puck's cock was really huge, much bigger than Blaine's, the mix between pain and pleasure made Kurt want to shout, but he didn't. Instead he passed his arms around Puck's neck to bring him closer for some more kisses. Puck was out of breath as he pounded hard and fast in and out of Kurt and Kurt had a hard time getting along with the rhythm and breathing at the same time. When he felt an income of pleasure he had never felt as Puck's cock met his prostate, Kurt tried to muffle a cry of pleasure by scratching Puck's back the deepest he could. It resulted in Puck crying in pleasure as well, pulling Kurt's hair and letting out groans. Kurt had never experienced something so intense, they were both desperate for something, but Kurt had no idea what. Kurt felt his orgasm coming when Puck bit the skin of his neck with passion.

"Oh my-" Kurt trailed off and Puck pounded even faster. His whole body tensed as he came without a sound, his nails planted on Puck's back.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Puck muttered when he came as well, he thrust the hardest he could for several seconds before collapsing on Kurt. Both their stomachs were covered with Kurt's seed but he could not care less, he stayed here, unable to move anyway. Puck moved slightly to reach the condom between their bodies and throw it on the floor but didn't move off of Kurt. Kurt barely noticed though, as he drifted into sleep, Puck's head resting on his shoulder.

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><p><strong>Please review !<strong>

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

"What the fuck ?" Puck yelled. Kurt jumped out of sleep, looking around. Puck was standing by the bed, glaring daggers at Kurt who didn't understand what was going on.

"Wh, what ?" Kurt asked, scared by the jock standing menacingly before him.

"What ? You kidding me ? Why the hell am I naked and why is there a fuckin' used condom here ?" He yelled at Kurt.

"You... you came here yesterday night and you-"

"I ain't a fag Hummel, that's what you are, what the fuck did you do to me ? I am so beating the fag out of you !" Puck shouted, raising his fist. Kurt was stuck on the bed, unable to run out of it without taking a chance of being beaten up by the very guy who had made love to him the night before. He tried to hide under the covers but, if they were able to save him from nightmares, they weren't able to save him from an enraged jock.

"I swear I didn't do anything. You came and I just... I just let you do what you wanted to do, you didn't even ask me." Kurt explained, tears going down his cheeks. He didn't see Puck's fist coming but he felt it hard on his cheekbone.

"I ain't a rapist either !" Puck shouted. Kurt was terrified now, he didn't think twice and ran out of the bed to rush into the bathroom, locking the door and collapsing against it in tears. There were heavy blows against the door, Puck was outraged now.

"Please stop !" Kurt begged.

"You fuckin' go out of here !" Puck yelled, kicking the door with all his might.

"Leave me alone !" Kurt implored once more.

"What the hell ?" Kurt heard Finn ask, and he blessed his brother for being here right now.

"Finn make him leave please." Kurt told his brother through the door.

"Kurt, did he hurt you ?" Finn asked, concerned.

"He hit me, please make him go." Kurt asked again still in tears. He heard a noise that sounded like a slap or something.

"The fuck dude ?" Puck yelled.

"You get out of here now !" Finn yelled back.

"No. I gotta talk to Kurt." Puck stated.

"There's nothing to talk about you leave my house now I never want to see you again !" Kurt shouted at him, feeling humiliated, dirty and used. He stood up when he heard the heavy steps on the stairs and put on his robe, opened the door and collapsed in Finn's arms.

"What happened ?" Finn asked softly.

"N... nothing, he just woke up very angry and took it out on me and hit me I don't know why."Kurt lied, not wanting to out Puck.

"I heard you two yell from the attic, I got so scared. I didn't even wonder where Puck was when I went to bed, I was too drunk."

"He came here to ask me about Blaine and fell asleep." Kurt made up. Finn nodded.

"I need to talk to him, will you be okay ?" Finn asked still concerned.

"Yes, don't worry about me." Kurt answered feeling completely traumatized. Finn patted him on the shoulder brotherly and left the room. At that moment Kurt's phone buzzed announcing a text. He grabbed it from his nightstand and saw a text from Puck.

_U say a thing, ur dead._

Kurt shivered, but gathered the strength to reply.

_Told him that you came to ask me about blaine and fell asleep. Never want to hear from you again._

He felt strong when the text was sent but his legs were still shaking. He had no idea what had happened, earlier that night, Puck had been really nice to him, offering him to kick Blaine's ass for ever hurting him. Then he had sneaked in Kurt's room and almost jumped on him to have sex with him in a way Kurt had never known. And Puck was hard even before Kurt could touch him, he wanted it, he was aroused at the idea of having sex with Kurt, it was not all Kurt's imagination.

He had to admit that Puck was the last person he would have though of as a closeted case but it appeared that he was a huge one. Maybe was it even unconscious, because clearly, sober Puck would never admit that such thing happened and that he was the one to make the first step. Kurt would even sympathize with Puck's struggle because he knew how hard it was, if it was not for the violence he had showed. Puck had never been so violent to Kurt before, and it scared Kurt because clearly, Puck was mad at him now and he knew how violent Puck could get.

In fact, Puck reminded him of doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde, except that he changed radically when he was drunk and the nice Puck was now the drunk one.

It was half past seven when Kurt realized that he had to go in class that day. He felt exhausted and ill at ease, but the worst part was that he would have to face Puck at school. He would have to go to glee club where they had a song to sing together, it paralyzed him in fear.

"Hey bro. You okay ?" Finn asked, going down the stairs.

"Yes, I'm not ready yet though, you should take your car and I'll take mine." Kurt said, trying to steady his voice.

"Okay, you let me know if you need something okay ?" Finn said. Kurt nodded, stood up and started getting ready.

"Hey homo, trying to look badass with your bruise on the cheek ?" Karofsky asked as he entered the school building.

"Shut up." Kurt said as he realized that he had forgotten to conceal the bruise.

"What did you just say ?" The jock asked.

"I said shut up, do you want me to say it again or what ?" Kurt snapped. "But if you want to know where it comes from ask your friend just here he'll be proud to tell you." Kurt said, pointing at Puck who was standing next to Karofsky, glaring at him. Karofsky and the other jocks high fived with Puck who didn't look amused in the slightest. Actually he looked like he was ready to kill someone, and in that case, the someone appeared to be Kurt. The boy just kept on walking into the school and soon enough he was sitting in class, safe. At least that's what he thought until Puck sat down on the seat beside him, looking angry. But he wouldn't lay a hand on him during class would he ?

"You're dead." Puck whispered to Kurt.

"I didn't say a thing, I promise." Kurt retorted, his voice quivering in fear. "Why don't we... why don't we forget about it and go ahead, not acknowledging the other's existence ?" Kurt asked, hopeful.

"You can't forget about it and I can't either." Puck answered, hatred in his voice.

"If you remember, you know that I'm not the one to blame." Kurt dared to say.

"You really want to suffer, don't you ?" Puck answered. Kurt swallowed hard, looking down.

"Hummel, Puckerman, would you please stop talking and tell me what I was talking about." The history teacher asked, startling both of them.

"I don't know, sir." Kurt answered.

"I figured that out. Well, obviously Puckerman's influence is not the best one, you get into fights, you don't listen in class." The teacher listed. Kurt lowered his eyes remorseful, secretly dreaming of crushing Puck's head in a pancake shape. "As for you Puckerman, no one questions your incredible sexual life but we don't want to see the details of your hickeys on your neck, hide that right now." The courageous half of the class laughed despite Puck's glare as he grabbed the collar of his T shirt and put it up. As soon as everyone's attention was back on the teacher, Puck shot Kurt the coldest glare Kurt had ever seen, but he didn't lower his gaze though, he looked straight back into Puck's eyes.

Kurt didn't get to see Puck anywhere else that day, until glee club. However, he couldn't avoid his best friend when she ran to him at ten.

"Kurt, oh my god, are you okay ? I spent the whole morning looking for you, I heard Puck hit you !" She said in one breath. Kurt sighed, now all the school knew about it, it would only make Puck angrier.

"I'm okay 'Cedes." Kurt answered.

"But what happened ? I thought you were getting along quite well." The black skinned girl said, looking a bit lost.

"We were." Kurt replied, thinking it was stupid the situation now when they got along so well just the day before.

"Then what happened ? Boo tell me so I'll go cut his head, no one hurts my boy without getting something in return." She stated.

"I'll tell you tonight." Kurt decided, someone pushed his back at that moment and turning around, he found Puck glaring at him.

"Ah hell to the no !" Mercedes shouted, walking up to the mohawked boy. "Noah Puckerman, I don't know what's your problem with my boy and he won't tell me, but just so you know, you touch him again, you're dead !" She threatened him. Puck didn't even shoot her a glance, he looked at Kurt once more before storming off in the hallway, shoving students on his way.

"What the hell is wrong with him ?" Mercedes asked, shocked. Kurt sighed, he knew what Puck was going through. Okay, he had never had sex with someone of the same gender drunk, thinking he was straight. But he knew that Puck was confused and could understand that. Kurt would have loved to talk to him calmly to try to make things somewhat easier for Puck but he wouldn't if he was to be beaten up.

Kurt knew he would be safe in one hour, there was only one class left before school ended, but this class was glee club.

"So, Finn, Rachel, would you please sing your duet to us ? Then we'll get to hear Kurt and Puck whose voices melt really well as we got to noticed last week." Mr Schue said.

"Mr Schue ?" Mercedes asked, raising her hand.

"Yes, Mercedes ?"

"I don't want Puck to get close to Kurt. I'm against their duet." She stated calmly.

"What ?" Mr Schue asked.

"Mercedes it's okay." Kurt told her, he didn't want to make a scene and that's all she was doing.

"Puck hit Kurt this morning, I'm not letting him near my boy" She simply stated.

"Puck, is that true ?" Mr Schue asked him severely. Puck had been avoiding everyone's gaze the whole day and he had quite a hard time making eye contact with the teacher.

"Yeah, so ?" He replied defiantly.

"Puck, I want to know why did you do such thing to your friend."

"Mr Schue it's okay." Kurt answered quickly. How could they explain why it happened ?

"What d'you want me to say ? That I fucked Kurt yesterday night and hit him this morning coz' I'm a monster like that ?" Puck said, making Kurt gasp and blush furiously. The Spanish teacher sighed.

"I only want the truth Puck, but apparently you think it's a game."

"And don't you dare insulting Kurt here, he'd never do anything with you !" Mercedes shouted to him The situation was desperate at that point, if Puck challenged Kurt to answer or showed the scratches and hickeys he had on his body everyone would know. Kurt couldn't get Puck anymore, he had been threatening Kurt to hurt him or whatever, if he ever told anyone and now here he was, telling the truth to the entire glee club. However, he was totally confused when Puck said he was a monster. He really seemed to be aware of what he had done and how much it had hurt Kurt, but still he kept on behaving like a jerk.

"I'd never touch him either." Puck simply stated, looking at Kurt in his eyes. But Puck's eyes said something else and Kurt felt even more confused now.

"Guys, I don't know what's going on between you two but you were ready to sing the song last week so I'd like to hear you now." Mr Schue stated.

"Kurt you don't have to sing with him." Mercedes told him firmly.

"I ain't gonna kill him in front of y'all. I don't want any witnesses." Puck shrugged.

"I don't want any threat in my classroom, Puck, it stops right now." Schue warned him. "Now, you two in the middle of the room, you sing your song and I want to feel thee emotions." He said. Kurt stood and walked to the middle of the room where Puck met him. It felt awkward to be standing beside him. Flashes of the night before popped up in his mind. He saw Puck sweating above him, sucking the skin of his neck, thrusting in and out and-

"Dude !" Puck snapped.

"What ?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know, maybe sing the song..." Puck said annoyed.

"Sorry." Kurt said, blushing. Despite his annoyed tone, Puck looked confused as well. Kurt started singing, his flawless voice taking over the quivering one he had before.

"Okay, stop." Mr Schue said, interrupting Kurt.

"Excuse me ?" Kurt asked, scandalized at being interrupted.

"I said I wanted to feel the emotion of the song, trying to look everywhere but in the other's eyes won't help you." The teacher stated. Kurt turned his eyes to meet Puck's. He started singing again and had to do a great work on himself not to lower his eyes. Puck's chocolate eyes burned him with their intensity. Then it was Puck's turn to sing and Kurt saw his eyes soften. Yet the feelings his eyes were transmitting didn't match the lyrics of the song, he looked guilty. Puck's eyes wandered over Kurt' bruise and he bit his lip slightly. He lifted his hand to brush it but Kurt smacked his hand away, making Puck break eye contact ad go back to his jerk-self.

"there's one thing I don't understand, why the hell was Puck sleeping in your room ?" Mercedes asked at night.

"He... he came to check if I was okay after I broke up with Blaine. We talked and fell asleep." Kurt said.

"Just like that ? Look Kurt, I'm not Finn, I can tell when you lie to me, and right now that's what you're doing. Puck had been acting weird for a while, just tell me he was lying when he said that thing in glee club."

"What thing ?" Kurt asked.

"You know, that you had sex.""

"Mercedes, how dare you ? It's Puck, I'd never do such thing !" Kurt lied. "I'd better go, it's half past eleven."

"Alright, be careful boo." She said, hugging him.

"Don't worry about me." He replied. He went to his car and drove home. When he parked his car in the alley, he was glad to find Finn's missing, he entered and threw his bag and jacket on the couch and went down to his room to sleep. He did a quick moisturizing routine and went to bed. His bed sheets smelled like sweat, sex and Puck. Kurt didn't care though, he was far too tired to care about anything.

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><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! I just wanted to thank you all for the nice reviews I got for the first chapter !**

**I'll post next chapter tomorrow night i think, quite a dramatic one by the way.**

**Anyway, please let me know what you think of this chapter !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

The rough lips on his were there again and Kurt loved their taste too much not to kiss them back. He smelled his smell and it was exactly the same, the alcohol was the strongest of all. Kurt opened his eyes suddenly, realizing that the smell was real. Puck was here kissing him for real. He was naked, like the night before. Kurt shoved him roughly away from him.

"What the hell ?" He shouted, not believing it. Puck wasn't discouraged though, he jumped on him again to kiss him needily, Kurt broke away. "You can't do that ! You can't come here drunk at night, not say a word to have sex with me and beat me up the next day !" Kurt yelled.

"You liked it too." Puck muttered, settling himself above Kurt, still trying to kiss him drunkenly.

"I didn't like it when you hit me and threatened to kill me and I don't like you being here, drunk. Now leave me alone !" Kurt said, trying to shove him back again, but Puck grabbed his wrists and put all his weight on Kurt's body. Kurt started to panic.

"You came ! You enjoyed it just as much as I did !" Puck shouted. "Now you let me fuck you !"

"We are not having sex Puck, yesterday was a mistake, take off me !" Kurt said struggling to break free. Puck groaned and removed Kurt's boxer with one hand while the other was holding Kurt's hands. "Puck stop that !" He ordered with the few strength he had left. Puck kissed him again and Kurt started to cry, feeling more helpless than ever. "Please Puck don't." Kurt begged. He was not stretched, it would kill him to do it considering the size of Puck's cock.

"Shut up ! I do whatever I want to you !" Puck shouted as he placed himself between Kurt's legs. Kurt could feel Puck's erection inside his thigh and everything was even more real that it was before. Puck, his friend, his gleemate, his brother's best friend, was on top of him, drunk, about to rape him.

"Puck don't do that please ! Yesterday it wasn't rape, but that's rape. You wouldn't rape your friend Puck !" Kurt tried as Puck adjusted his position to enter him. Kurt closed his eyes, praying whatever god he didn't believe in for waking up alone in his bed when he'd open them again. However, Puck's hoarse voice and alcohol smell shoved at his face made him known that this was not a nightmare he could get out of so easily.

"You're not my friend ! I don't wanna fuck my friends !" Puck shouted.

"Please Puck." Kurt cried. "Remember yesterday when you thought that B...Blaine had hurt me and offerred to beat him up, he didn't hurt me half as what you wanna.. wanna do." Kurt half said half sobbed.

"Don't talk about that bastard !" Puck yelled at Kurt, struggling to keep his hold on his hands. Kurt sobbed again, unable to come up with an idea to get out of this.

"Puck if you do it you're going to hurt me badly, please !" Kurt implored, crying his eyes out as his friend was about to rape him. "I'd do aything, I swear, anything you want. Please Puck." He did't know why he was constantly repeating Puck's name, it was a constant slap to remind him that this was real, that it was happening to him, and that it was Puck doing it.

"Stop crying !" Puck shouted. Kurt could see that he was struggling within himself, his eyes looked slightly panicked behind the blur of dizziness due to the alcohol he had drunk, flickering not to meet Kurt's.

"Puck." Kurt simply implored between hard sobs. He had given up fighting to break free, he didn't have ay strength left and Puck was far much stronger than him.

"Please Kurt, stop crying." Puck said in a desperate tone. Kurt could see his eyes shining with unshed tears. He felt the tip of Puck's cock against his unstretched hole.

"Don't do that Puck." Kurt cried. Puck collapsed onto him, letting go of his tears. He was crushing Kurt's body but Kurt couldn't care less, he was so relieved.

"Kurt." Puck cried his face buried in his shoulder. "I'm sorry. So sorry." He said. Kurt let him cry, he didn't know what to say to him. He should hate Puck, should be afraid of him, but he simply could not. Puck wrapped his arms tightly around Kurt as he cried. Kurt drew circle patterns on Puck's back to soothe the drunken boy as much as he could. "So sorry." Puck repeated.

"You're gay Puck." Kurt stated to make him see the truth. Puck sobbed even harder.

"I'm not gay. I don't wanna be gay. Please Kurt tell me I'm not gay." Puck implored the boy.

"Puck..." Kurt trailed off, not knowing what to say. What could he say to that ? He couldn't tell him that there was nothing to be afraid of with being gay, that he wouldn't get anything from other people for it. Puck was the first one to know what gay people got for having inflicted it to Kurt for years.

"Being gay is shit, people hate you, I don't want people to hate me, but I want to fuck you, all the time, day and night" Puck said again and if he wasn't in the situation he was in, Kurt would have blushed furiously at that.

"Puck-"

"Last night was fuckin' amazing you were so fuckin' hot and I … I thought that you'd like to do it again but now you hate me and I like you so freaking much." Puck said still crying hard.

"I don't hate you Puck." Kurt said softly. That was true, he didn't know why, maybe he was a freak for not hating him after what he had just tried to do to him, but he couldn't get within himself to hate him.

"I tried to rape you Kurt ! Rape ! You should've called the cops by now and I'll go to jail and I'll get what I deserve because I fuckin' hurt you."

"No one's going to jail, you stopped, you didn't do it."

"Only because I'm too drunk, I so want to fuck you Kurt ever and ever." Puck said, he sounded so desperate that Kurt felt really sorry for him. "I cried you know. This morning after I hit you. I know it wasn't your fault but I don't want people to see me like they see you. I want them to like me, to want to be like me. I want to be normal Kurt." Puck cried.

"You are normal." Kurt stated.

"Am not. Normal people don't dream of fucking their best friend's bro, and they don't try to rape them. Fuck Kurt, I tried to rape you ! And you don't even hate me, I so don't deserve your kindness. I gotta go and tell Finn and everyone what an asshole I am and they will punish me." Puck said trying to stand up.

"Puck, you stay here and sleep." Kurt told him, holding him by the hand. He knew very well how Finn would react if he ever learned about that. He had forgiven Puck after taking Quinn's virginity and knocking her up, but he would never forgive him this time, not after he promised to take care of Kurt.

"I gotta tell someone Kurt." Puck said desperately.

"You're going to regret it if you tell someone. Just stay here and we'll sleep." Puck looked up at Kurt with big sad eyes and rested his head on his chest again.

"I love you so freaking much Kurt." Puck muttered before drifting into sleep. Kurt was startled at that, he hadn't imagined that Puck could have deep feelings for him. Puck had let him know how much he desired him in many ways but never that there was more.

Puck woke up at a huge headache. He opened his eyes to see the face of a sleeping Kurt bellow him. He was an angel. A wonderful naked angel with tear drop tracks on his cheeks. Puck kissed him gently and stood up out of the bed. He put on his boxer briefs and went out of the room to make his way upstairs. He had to do it, he'd hate himself all his life if he didn't. Maybe Kurt was too kind to want to punish him but he deserved it and he wanted to be punished. He opened the door of Finn's room and shook him to wake him up.

"Finn." He called his friend.

"Mph ?" Finn muttered in his sleep.

"I did something bad dude wake up." Puck told him. He was still somehow drunk and his head was spinning. Finn opened his eyes and frowned as he looked at him.

"The fuck dude, it's two am !" Finn protested.

"I did something really bad." Puck repeated, his voice quivering again.

"What d'you mean ? You didn't hit Kurt again did you ?" Finn asked, already standing up, anger taking over the sleepiness his features showed a second before.

"Worse." Puck stated, looking at the floor for Finn not see the tears in his eyes. He had already hated himself in his life, when he had done the nasty with Quinn, when he had learned she was pregnant, when he had gone to juvie and disappointed his mother. But that was higher than anything.

"What ?" Finn asked worried, fully awake now.

"I... Please dude don't hate me, I never meant to hurt anyone." Puck begged, tears streaming down his face now.

"Tell me !" Finn demanded, taking a threatening step forward.

"He was there in his bed, sleeping and I thought that maybe I could, you know, like yesterday night, but he didn't want and I-"

"I don't understand a fuckin' thing Puck ! Now you tell me what the fuck you're talking about !" Finn yelled.

"I tried to rape him." Puck admitted, crying dramatically, looking at the floor.

"You're kidding me right ?" Finn asked, in denial. "Puck tell me you didn't do such thing to my bro." Puck shook his head. He fell on the floor when Finn punched him. "You bastard !" He shouted, kicking his stomach roughly. Puck's guilt wasn't llighter at the pain but at least he got something for what he'd done. "Why did you punch him yesterday morning ? Were you trying to rape him as well ?" Finn asked angry out of his mind.

"We had sex the night before and I … I didn't want to admit that I was the one to jump on him so I hit him." Puck said, it earned him another hard kick in the guts.

"He's my brother ! He's your fuckin' friend ! How can you do that ?" Finn yelled at him. "I gotta go see him." Finn stated.

"No, don't go, he's sleeping !" Puck told him, remembering Kurt's sleepy face, how peaceful he looked.

"You can die, I don't fuckin' care, but he's my brother and you tried to rape him so I'm checking on him." Finn yelled at him, storming out of the room. Puck sobbed some more on the floor of Finn's room, spitting blood and feeling his ribs ache. Then he stood up and walked to join Finn and Kurt.

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><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! That was an intense chapter, I really hope you liked it !**

**I'd like to tell those of you who follow my other fic, London, I'm sorry for the late update but I realized that next chapter was the one I wasn't done writing so I'm working on it and you'll hopefully have a new chapter by tomorrow night.**

**Anyway, please everyone tell me what you think of this chapter, I really think kthere will be only one chapter more but I'll maybe write a fifth as an epilogue, not sure yet.**

**Love you all !**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi guys ! I thought I had already posted this chapter but apparently I had not, so I changed some things and added a lot of other things (hopefully for the best) and here it is, all ready for you to read it !**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4:<strong>

"Hey Kurt, you alright ?"

Kurt opened his eyes slightly, feeling cold. Puck's body was not spread over his anymore.

"Finn ?" He asked. He didn't understand a thing, maybe it all had been a dream.

"Kurt for Christ's sake are you alright ?" Finn asked again, looking worried. "I'm so sorry I brought him home again, I didn't know he'd do such thing to you." Finn said looking remorseful. He walked up to Kurt's bed to check on his brother more closely, while Kurt valued his concern, he saw it as an invasion of his personal space. He was naked in his bed after all.

"I'm okay Finn, really." Kurt answered half honestly. He didn't really know how he was feeling, he needed time by himself to think this all over and Finn waking him up in the middle of the night wasn't helping.

"Kurt." It was low but Kurt heard it and, in other circumstances, the cracking of the broken voice would have made Kurt melt immediately. He looked up in the darkness behind Finn and distinguished the thick frame of Puck. However, he didn't look like the popular jock who made fun of losers at school and bullied them, he looked more like a wounded animal, looking at Kurt with self-hate eyes. His right cheekbone looked darker than the rest of the skin on his face and he was hugging himself as if he were cold, but when Kurt looked more closely, he could see his hands pressed on one spot on his right side, Puck was holding his ribs.

"Don't you dare talking to him or looking at him !" Finn yelled at Puck who lowered his eyes to the floor.

"Puck why did you tell him ?" Kurt asked, not understanding. He could understand that Puck regretted what he had done, he was even relieved that he did, it proved Puck's humanity. Yet, he didn't understand why he needed to tell someone after Kurt had told him that he didn't need to, he thought they could work it out together, not create a public mess of something so intimate.

"I had to, I deserved to get something." Puck said, still looking at the floor.

"I said you don't talk to him, you lost that right the moment you tried to rape him !" Finn shouted at Puck, and Puck had never looked smaller. He was still in his boxer briefs, although Kurt had no idea when he had put them back on, and he cowered more against the wall each time Finn yelled at him.

"Finn, please stop yelling, I just woke up, the sound is killing me." Kurt told Finn, even though it was more because he didn't like the look of fear he saw in Puck's eyes. "Puck, are you okay ?" Kurt couldn't stop himself from asking.

"I feel so awful Kurt." Puck said in a low voice, still looking at the floor.

"Shut up !" Finn yelled at him, but Puck wasn't looking at him, his eyes were on Kurt now, pleading, desperate, begging for forgiveness.

"Kurt." Puck said again, and Finn was so angry he walked to Puck and punched him again.

"You don't say his name !" He shouted at his former best friend. Puck stumbled under the punch, his face didn't show any form of physical pain. He steadied himself with the wall and started walking up the stairs clumsily.

"Finn, I... I'll handle it, thank you." Kurt told his brother, he grabbed his boxer briefs from the bottom of the bed, put them on and walked by Finn to climb up the stairs. He heard a single sob during the second before the door slammed shut. He ran to the door and went out of the house, hoping Puck had not run away. He was standing still in the alley, looking down, hugging himself to warm his body since he was still in boxers. Kurt went to him and hesitated between touching Puck's shoulder or simply say something to announce his presence. He didn't feel comfortable with making physical contact with Puck right now. "Puck, I know how it feels." Kurt told him.

"Did you really ever try to rape someone you love ?" Puck asked wretched, not even turning around to face Kurt.

"Stop saying that, you didn't do it and you don't love me." Kurt replied. He knew Puck did not love him, he would have seen it before if he did. It was just a wild form of desire he didn't know how to express and was mistaking it with love because he didn't know what love really was, Kurt was sure of it.

"I wanted to, Kurt. I really did."

"That's not what matters since you stopped when you saw I was crying." Puck turned around to face Kurt.

"You never cried. I've done awful things to you forever, but you never cried. And then, I was here, all I wanted was to make love to you and make you feel good but you were crying and pushed me away as if I wanted to kill you or something. I'd never hurt you." Puck said, cheeks bright because of the reflection of the moonlight on his tears.

"You don't know how it works Puck, and it's normal because you never did anything with a male before. I know you didn't mean to hurt me but you'd have anyway." Kurt explained calmly. He really did not think that talking about how stretched he was the day before because he had just had sex with Blaine, was a relevant thing to do at one in the morning on a week's day.

"But yesterday I didn't hurt you." Puck stated. Kurt looked around and found a midnight walker staring at them.

"Puck."

"What ?"

"It's one in the morning and we're standing in boxer briefs in front of my house talking about gay sex." Kurt stated. Puck shot him a blurry look that seemed to say that he didn't understand what the matter was, so Kurt took Puck's hand and led him back inside the warm house. Once they were standing in the living room, Puck started sobbing again and Kurt hesitated. He had never seen Puck show an ounce of weakness and it pained him to see him in such a state. He put a comforting had on Puck's shoulder and pushed him slightly in the direction of his room.

"You're still drunk." He stated. "Let's go to sleep, we'll talk tomorrow okay ?" Puck nodded and followed Kurt's lead to his room.

"You take him here again ?" Finn asked incredulous. "Are you insane or something ?"

"He didn't mean to hurt me Finn." Kurt answered, half holding Puck to take him to his bed.

"But he did !" Finn yelled. "You hated me for days after I said that word last year but I never physically attacked you. You nearly got Karofsky expelled for just kissing you ! And now you're telling me that you're gonna spend the night with Puck after he tried to rape you ? No way." Finn stated, grabbing Puck's arm and shoving him away from Kurt's bed.

"Can we talk upstairs ?" Kurt asked Finn. His brother glared at Puck intently, then nodded at Kurt before walking up the stairs.

"I'm not letting him sleep here." Finn stated, arms crossed across his chest.

"Finn, I know what Puck has done in the past, I know that you probably hate him for what he did to you and Quinn, but this is different okay ?" Kurt explained.

"That's proof that he's dangerous ! He picked Quinn and tonight he had no one to jump on so he picked you because you can't defend yourself." Finn said with tears in his eyes. Kurt knew his brother felt deeply guilty for all of that, for bringing Puck back in their house again, leading to the incident.

"No Finn, you're wrong and you know that. He didn't pick Quinn." Kurt said making air quotation mark. "He loved her and she was as willing as he was to do it. Now he's struggling within himself because he's attracted to me and he has no idea how to deal with it. Tonight he had no intention to hurt me, he just wanted us to have sex like yesterday." Kurt explained, blushing on the last part.

"You really had sex with him ?" Finn asked shocked, deciding not to say he's name anymore.

"Yes, he really likes me but he-"

"He doesn't ! For Christ's sake Kurt, he would've never done that if he as much as had an ounce of affection for you ! He was just using you and now he's playing all pathetic for you to forgive him and feel sorry for him so he can fuck you later !" Finn said angrily.

"Then how do you explain that he didn't stop when I was hitting him but did when he saw I was crying and apologized and told me he loved me ?" Kurt asked.

"Kurt please don't let him sleep here he will hurt you again, I'm supposed to take care of you, I promised Burt and all I do is bringing him home. I'm sorry Kurt. So sorry." Finn said, crying now. Kurt took him in his arms, thinking that he would have never expected to comfort crying Finn and Puck in one night. Even more a night when he was the one who nearly got... physically abused.

"It's okay Finn, you couldn't expect anything like this, hell, even I with my awesome gaydar hadn't noticed anything." He said managing to make Finn chuckle. "Puck will sleep here tonight and, if you want, I'll keep my sai swords next to the bed just in case." Finn sighed.

"He's stronger than you Kurt. Hell, he's even stronger than me, if he wants to do something to you, he'll do it and I wouldn't feel safe with him sleeping in our house tonight."

"I need to talk to him, if he leaves tonight I'm not even sure he'd make it at home safely and he'd close himself to me and everyone and maybe behave just like yesterday." Kurt explained.

"And you trust him ? You think he's able to behave just like yesterday, punching you and pushing you around after … after what you did the previous night, and you still trust him ?"

"He needs help and I am willing to give him some." Kurt simply stated. Finn sighed tiredly.

"Kurt, I know Puck is hot and I know that you might feel a little depressed because of what happened with Blaine, but I am supposed to be the naïve one of us and going back in your room alone with Puck is the most naïve thing you can ever do. I know you believe in him, like you believe in everyone, maybe do you even believe that, once all of this is sorted out you'll be able to date him and-" SLAP. Kurt couldn't stop himself from slapping his brother at this point.

"Do you take me for such a slut that I would help Puck with his issues only in the perspective of dating him ? Do you think I'm selfish enough to do all of that for my own sake ? I know what Puck's going through, I had to go through it either even though I didn't deal with it the same way he does. I know that no shrink can help him the way I can because any theory wouldn't be as powerful and thruthful as what I know because I lived it. Now you can either believe me and trust me when I tell you that I'll be able to handle the situation, or you can still think that I'm a selfish prick. Good night Finn, and thank you for the concern you showed tonight."Kurt tells him finally before turning on his heels and entering his room again, leaving Finn standing behind the door, still letting the words Kurt just said sink in.

When Kurt found himself in the darkness of his room he felt a little unsure. He went down the stairs and found Puck sleeping in his bed. He was folded on himself, lying in fetal position with Kurt's blanket tightly pressed between his legs, his hands clutching the top of it as for dear life. Kurt sighed, he did not know what he was going to do with the situation, nor did he know how he was going to help Puck. All he knew was that, right now, he felt exhausted. He went to his closet and took a blanket and a pillow out of it. He settled them on the couch in the middle of the room and all but collapsed on it in exhaustion. He loved to use the time before falling asleep to think and try to find solutions to solve his issues, but right now he didn't even have time to think about it before his brain shut off for the rest of the night.

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><p><strong>AN: I wanted to tell you that I am sorry for the delay, but with the exams and everything, it's hard to find time to write. Consider yourselves luck that I have insomnia right now so I have time to write during the night !**

**I hope you liked this chapter, please, please, please let me know what you think of it !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Finn was waiting at the top of the stairs for Kurt to fall asleep. He had been relieved to see him sleep on the couch instead of the bed, it meant that Kurt wasn't too naïve.

Finn did not believe in the all Puck-in-love-with-Kurt thing, he knew Puck far too well to be fooled by such words. He had been friends with Puck for years and, while he knew the way he treated other people, he had never turned his back to him. The year before he had gone too far and Finn had already been on the edge of not forgiving him. At that time, he had claimed to being in love with Quinn but Finn knew better.

Now Finn knew what was going on, Puck had found a way to get off without consequences, he was taking advantage of Kurt's sadness and weakness to abuse him. But this time, Finn was here and would not let that happen, he had learned to love Kurt as his brother, even though they were completely alike they got along really well. The day before, Finn had not completely understood what had happened between Kurt and Puck, and he had made the most stupid mistake of his life in letting Puck in again.

Finn would have never imagined, even in his wildest dreams-or nightmares for that matter- Puck attempting to rape Kurt. His best friend trying to rape his brother. Finn closed his eyes and shook his head to erase the image off his mind. He looked at Kurt's room, it had been one hour since Kurt had gone to bed, he might be asleep by now.

Finn took off his shoes and went down the stairs. He walked straight to Kurt's bed where Puck was currently sleeping, his ex best friend was curled up in the covers, looking peaceful. Finn shook his shoulder to wake him up. Puck was still bare chested, wearing only his boxer briefs, and when Finn thought of the reason why, it upset him even more. How dared he sleep so peacefully in Kurt's bed with his clothes off after what he attempted to do ?

"Finn ?" Puck mumbled, his eyes half opened not to be dazzled by the dim light coming from the top of the stairs.

"Get up." Finn ordered him dryly but lowly, with a wave of the head in the direction of the stairs. Puck seemed to hesitate for a second, his eyes peeking at Kurt and going back to Finn. The taller boy clenched his jaw at that and grabbed Puck's arm to make him move. When Puck was finally standing beside him, bending down to grab his clothes, Finn noticed the damages he'd caused to his former best friend. The right side of his torso had dark patches and Puck held it with his hand. Even though Finn did not like violence, even less directed towards his friends, he did not feel guilty for the pain Puck was feeling. Kurt was going to relive the memory of what he'd almost done to him for his whole life, a few bruises was a very low price to pay for it.

As soon as Puck was dressed Finn motioned him to follow him and went up the stairs, hearing the sound of Puck's steps behind him. He took good care of closing Kurt's room door before going in the living room and turning to face Puck, throwing him the hardest stare.

"Alright, you can go now." He stated, his hand on the knob of the front door.

"Kurt doesn't want me to leave." Puck stated, visibly hesitating.

"Look, you've hurt him enough already. Kurt doesn't want me to tell Burt or the police so I won't, but I want you to stay away from him from now on. Bye Puck." Finn was doing a great work on himself to remain calm and was rewarded when Puck nodded slightly.

"Whatever. Just tell him that I'm sorry. Bye Finn." Puck told him in a low, broken voice. Finn nodded, opened the door and looked at Puck as he left in the cold of the early morning. Satisfied with himself, Finn went into the kitchen to set up the breakfast table for he and Kurt. It was usually Kurt who did things like that since he always woke up before Finn, but Finn would do anything to make up for what happened and it would make Kurt slightly happy to wake up to a nice breakfast table. Finn knew it was pathetic to resort to such little things to make up to Kurt, but he felt really bad and would do anything to make things easier for his brother. He had seen a film on the TV where a girl got raped and it took her years to recover from her trauma. And it was Finn' fault. When he was done in the kitchen, Finn finally gave in to his exhaustion and went to his room to sleep the last few hours the night provided before having to go to school.

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><p><em>You think I'm pretty, without any make-up on<em>

_You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong_

Kurt grabbed his Iphone from under his pillow as soon as he heard the song but it slipped from his hand and fell on the floor. Much to his relief the music stopped when the device hit the floor. Kurt could not stand this song anymore, he could not listen to this song without feeling a pang of bitterness inside him. He had the obnoxious feeling that he had only slept five minutes and didn't feel like going out of bed at all. Maybe he could fake illness in front of Finn and not go to school today.

However, when he intended to stretch his limbs, he realized that he was not in his huge, comfy bed, but on the couch. Then, he remembered. All the events of the night before came haunting his mind.

Puck.

Puck had come again and had tried to... he had tried to do the same as on Monday, but had stopped when Kurt had begged. Finn had beaten him up and Kurt could not blame him because it was for him. Kurt looked towards his bed to see if Puck was still sleeping, all he could see was his comforter almost at the bottom of his bed with no one in it.

Kurt sighed. He had known Puck would not be there when he'd wake up. He knew that Puck would sneak outside before dawn to avoid having to face the consequences of his actions. Puck was a coward and Kurt already knew what to expect from the day ahead. Puck would act just like the day before, pushing him around, blaming him for what he'd done, never admitting that he was the one to blame. Kurt wondered what he'd seen in Puck to believe him when he told him that he loved him, that he would never forgive himself for what he'd done, he was a womanizer, he would do anything to get what he wants. Kurt shook his head, defeated, and put his robe on and his slippers before going upstairs. Finn had been right all along, Kurt should have known better than not to listen to Puck's oldest friend.

Speaking of Finn, the breakfast table was beautifully set in the kitchen and Kurt guessed his brother had something to do with that. He smiled at the attention and went upstairs to wake and thank his brother. Kurt entered his brother's room and found Finn already getting out of bed.

"Hey bro, you okay ?" Finn asked, looking concerned.

"I'm fine, thank you." Kurt answered with a slight smile. "You were right though." He almost whispered.

"About what ?" Finn asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Puck. He... he left during the night, I think he was too much of a coward to face me in the morning so he fled." Kurt explained, looking at the floor feeling oh so stupid.

"Kurt I ..." Finn seemed to hesitate. "I'm sorry." He simply said.

"It's okay." Kurt replied. Much to his surprise, Finn took and step closer and hugged Kurt tightly. "Thank you Finn." Kurt said, truly thankful to his brother for being here for him right now.

"I wish I hadn't been right you know." Finn told him, hugging him tighter. "I won't let you down bro." He added, making Kurt smile in his brother's shoulder.

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><p>"You shouldn't try and talk to Puck today." Finn told him once they were parked in the school parking lot.<p>

"I don't have the choice Finn, I need to at least try, I can't just let it go."

"I already beat him up, besides, who knows what he'd be able to do to you if you attempted to talk to him in public." Kurt sighed, remembering Puck's behavior the previous day.

"I'll see, okay ? I don't even know if he'll be at school today."

"Just … don't put yourself into trouble." Kurt nodded and both brothers left the car and parted ways towards their own classes. Kurt supposedly shared his two first classes with Puck but, as expected, the boy was skipping class today, maybe to catch up some sleep but more likely to avoid Kurt and Finn.

The two hours being history and geometry, Kurt had a hard time keeping his eyes open as the teacher rambled about dates or theories and soon enough, Kurt could hardly make out the words the teachers were saying as he drifted into sleep. When the bell rang announcing the break, Kurt decided he could afford to skip one or two classes and went to the auditorium to take a nap.

He sat in a seat at the back of the room and closed his eyes to finally rest for real. However, it seemed like his mind would not shut up and it kept on playing and playing again what happened the night before. Kurt did not understand why he felt so disappointed in Puck's behavior. He had really believed him, and the way he had acted looked real, it wasn't fake, or Puck was the greatest actor of all times.

Kurt felt his lips trembling and heat coming to his eyes as he realized that he had been used by Puck. Puck, who was supposedly his friend, had used Kurt as his freaking sex toy, only to brutalize him the next day and try it again. And Kurt had naively believed everything he had said seeing something good in Puck when there was nothing good about the guy.

Kurt was about to cry at his stupidity when his cell phone started to vibrate, indicating an incoming call. He didn't even check to see who it was before taking the call, Finn had been texting him ever since first period to cheer him up.

"Finn I-"

"Kurt ?" Kurt froze, this voice, the voice he didn't want to hear anytime soon, was speaking to him, Kurt couldn't prevent a sob from escaping his mouth.

"B-Blaine ?" He said, just to make sure, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Kurt, I'm so sorry. I... You have no idea how much I hate myself for what I did and..." The rest of the sentence was a blur to Kurt, he had stopped at the first words, the very same Puck had been using the night before and Kurt had blindly believed he was sincere.

"Blaine I-"

"Why are you crying Kurt ?" Blaine inquired, clearly concerned.

"I... I miss you Blaine." Kurt admitted between sobs. The events of the last few days had been too overwhelming for Kurt and hadn't released all the tension bottled up until now. That's the moment he realized how much he needed a shoulder to cry on when there was no one here for him.

"Kurt what's going on you sound all upset I never heard you like this." Blaine asked again.

"I just... did something wrong and then many things happened and now I'm... I feel lost Blaine, can we still be friends ?" Kurt asked, he knew he sounded wretched and maybe pathetic over the phone but he didn't care.

"Can't we be more than just friends ?" Blaine asked tentatively. "I love you Kurt. I really do and-" He was cut off by a strangled sob from Kurt.

"No Blaine. I gotta go now, bye." Kurt simply said before hanging up. In fact, he had nothing to do, he just couldn't listen to Blaine saying how much he loved him after he'd hurt him like that. And there was Puck's declaration from the night before, it sounded so true but had all been a lie. Kurt closed his eyes to calm himself and hummed the melody of Yesterday to focus on something else than his torments.

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><p>When he had arrived at school, Puck had every intention to go to class to take his mind off of everything he had done to Kurt. But then, in the school parking lot stood the two new brothers and Puck had realized that he could not face them, at least not now, it was too soon. So he had decided to go to the auditorium and catch up some of the sleep he didn't get the night before. He was sleeping when he heard the ringing of a cell phone four or five rows behind him.<p>

He heard Kurt. Heard his broken sobs, his plea to see Blaine. He heard all of that and it simply broke his heart. He had done that to Kurt, he was the one who made him cry twice in less than a day. He could not hate himself more than he did at the moment.

Now Kurt was humming the melody of Yesterday and Puck closed his eyes, falling asleep at Kurt's wonderful soft voice.

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><p><strong>AN: Hi everyone ! I (finally) finished writing this chapter ! As usual I'm sorry for the delay but finals are so close you have no idea how stressed I am !**

**When I reread this chapter it looked a little hurried but I couldn't make it slower so I hope it's okay for you ...**

**Please review !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hi guys ! I'm back with another chapter !**

**So, I'm really really sorry for the delay, I'm not only talking about Drunken Mistakes, but about my other stories for those who read them, I'm going through the worst writer block ever, but I'm working on it.**

**So this chapter is not complete darkness like the ones before, it's like dawn after a long, long night. **

**Anyway, enjoy !**

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><p><strong>Chapter 6:<strong>

"Damn Kurt, where the hell are you ?" Finn asked when Kurt finally picked up his phone.

"I'm at school Finn, it's okay." Kurt answered in a sigh. Yet, Finn knew his brother and he could hear that Kurt was still upset.

"No it's not okay ! I've been looking for you in the whole school with no result, has he done something to you ?" Finn asked, worried.

"No he hasn't done anything to me, actually I haven't even seen him since last night." Kurt answered, a glimpse of bitterness in his voice.

"Kurt, I already told you, whatever he told you last night, what he did and the-"

"The fact that he left before I woke up show that he's an asshole. You already told me that, Finn, thank you." Kurt cut him off, sounding exasperated.

"Exactly. Now, where are you so I can check on you ?"

"I'm taking a nap Finn, don't worry about me I'm fine." Kurt answered. Finn sighed but didn't insist.

"Alright. See you at lunch ?"

"I'll let you know if I feel like eating. Bye Finn." Kurt answered and then he hung up. Finn sighed once again, worried for his brother. The fact that he didn't get to see neither Puck nor Kurt since they got to school was really bothering him.

"What's going on with Kurt ?" Rachel asked. Finn had not seen her walking up to his locker.

"Nothing, he's fine." He answered.

"It doesn't sound like he's alright. It sounded like he had just been attacked or something." Rachel said, looking concerned. "Did something happen with Blaine ?" She asked.

"It's nothing you have to worry about, I'll take care of it." Finn answered, taking her by the waist and kissing her.

"Alright then. You let me know if Kurt needs any help, I haven't seen him since yesterday."

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><p><em>I didn't want to leave this morning.<em>

Kurt received the text from Puck right after hanging up on Finn. He gasped, and looked around in the darkness of the auditorium to see if Puck was somewhere here, spying on him.

"I'm here." Puck said quietly, making Kurt jump on his seat. Puck was standing in the alley, three seat away from Kurt.

"Oh my ! You scared the hell out of me !" Kurt squeaked.

"Sorry about that." Puck said apologetically. "Can I... Can I come sit beside you ?" He asked, stepping tentatively towards Kurt who nodded slowly.

"What do you mean you didn't want to leave this morning ? Did your legs force you to run away or something ?" Kurt asked, having trouble to hide the venom of his voice.

"It was Finn who forced me to leave. I even told him you didn't want me to leave but he wouldn't listen to me." Puck said, as he sat beside Kurt.

"That's easy, isn't ? To put all the blame on Finn after what you did." Kurt stated, his eyes stuck on the stage. He didn't want to look at Puck in the eyes, he knew he would fall for anything he'd say, just like the night before and the one before.

"I'm not putting the blame on anyone. Actually, I think Finn was right not to want me near you." Puck answered, he sounded honest but Kurt knew better than to believe him.

"Then what are you doing here ?" Kurt asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"I was here before you." Puck simply answered.

"Don't play smart with me now, Puck." Kurt said. The tension he felt put him on the verge of tears.

"I'm not playing smart with you, I'm only stating facts." Kurt turned his head away. What Puck was telling him wasn't violent, it wasn't mean or anything, Kurt had no idea why his eyes were starting to be filled with tears. "Please look at me. Tell me something, I don't know. What can I do for you to stop hating me ?" Puck asked. Kurt slowly turned his head, scratching his forehead for Puck not to see his tear-filled eyes.

"I don't know Puck." Kurt said. "I... I'm lost. I don't know if I'm supposed to believe you or to throw you away. I don't know if I should yell at you, if I should punch you or... or forgive you." At this point, Kurt started to cry, tears setting free just like when he was on the phone with Blaine. He pulled up his legs against his chest and folded his arms around them, burying his face in his arms. He sobbed freely, not ashamed to cry in front of Puck since he had seen him in a worse state the night before.

"It's okay." Puck said softly. "I don't deserve you to forgive me anyway. Do you want me to go fetch Mercedes for her to comfort you ?" He asked, standing up. Kurt shook his head.

"She'd ask questions. Stay here, we need to talk." Kurt answered. "Please ?" He added, when Puck swallowed hard.

"Sure." Puck said, as he sat back on the seat beside Kurt's.

"What... What's going on with you, Puck ?" Kurt asked tentatively, turning his head in an attempt to look at him in the eyes but failed and ended up staring at his shoulder. Puck passed his hand through his mohawk, it was clear that even he didn't really know the answer to this question.

"It's just … I don't... I honestly have no idea Kurt."

"Please Puck. I'm trying to work on myself to work this out, I need you to make an effort as well."

"I guess I just can't hide it anymore. At least when I'm drunk." Kurt could clearly tell that he was struggling with words, but at least he was trying.

"Hide what ? That you're gay ?" Kurt asked, trying to help him out.

"I don't know, okay ? I just … The first night, when you came to ask us for some vodka I thought 'wow, he's hot' and it wasn't the first time I thought that, but then we were only the three of us at your place, your parents weren't there and we were both drunk, I didn't even wonder if it was a good idea, I just went for it, like I've always done." Kurt nodded. "And it was freaking mind-blowing ! I mean, I had never fucked a dude before." Kurt glared at the choice of words. "Right, I had ever had sex with a guy before and we both came hard." Kurt blushed, it was true that it had been amazing, better than any time with Blaine, but having Puck say it, it was kind of embarrassing.

"But why did you behave like that the next day ?" Kurt asked, his voice quivering.

"I freaked out." Puck simply said, but his voice was remorseful.

"You punched me, Puck. You punched me and you threatened to kill me of I told anyone." Kurt said, new tears glimmering on his cheeks at the dim light of the auditorium.

"I … I had been struggling with that for weeks, telling myself that it wasn't right, that I wasn't like that. And then, I wake up naked in your bed with that condom on the floor. And you were, here, all beautiful and innocent and I convinced myself that it was your fault, that if you hadn't been here, nothing of it would've ever happened."

"I was in my house Puck, of course I was here, you're the one who came to me. You're the one who kissed me, who undressed me ! I never asked for anything and you came in my room, then you took that condom, you didn't even ask me. I admit that I was all for it, but I was drunk and heart broken."

"Fuck, I know ! But I couldn't stop myself, I wanted it too much to think twice about it. Same goes for yesterday night, but you rejected me. You have no idea how angry it made me ! You're the gay one, and I was here, a stud like me and I wanted to fuck you and you didn't want it. I didn't want to admit to myself that I wanted it more than you did, but that was fuckin' hard !" Puck explained, he was getting angry just telling the story, but Kurt wasn't scared, Puck looked more remorseful than angry.

"What you said, yesterday night. Did you mean it ?" Kurt asked shyly. He didn't want to say it if Puck didn't remember. He felt stupid asking that. Of course Puck didn't love him that was ridiculous.

"You hope that I don't remember, don't you ?" Puck asked. His face was turned to Kurt, trying to find his eyes, but Kurt wouldn't turn his, he only nodded. "I always remember everything. As for if I meant it... looks like I'm only honest when I'm drunk."

"But you said that you … that you felt like this every time you see." Kurt said, red from head to toes. "I believe you're not always drunk."

"That's kind of true." Puck said, turning his face away from Kurt. A long, tensed silence followed. At least, it was tensed for Kurt. He didn't know what Puck was talking about. Was he saying that he really was in love with Kurt ? Or was he talking about the fact that every time he saw Kurt he wanted to jump on him ? Finally, Kurt settled for a safe question.

"So what now ?" Kurt asked.

"Wanna go to a fun place ?" Puck offered. Kurt quirked both eyebrows at the offer, he could not believe it.

"I was talking about the situation Puck."

"I know, but obviously we won't be able to solve it right now. And since we're both here, I assume none of us wants to go to class. So what about forgetting about it for a little while and going somewhere to have fun ?" Puck offered again.

"I don't think we have the same definition of the word fun, Puck."

"On this one, I think we do." Puck said, self confident. "Come on, I won't do anything to you, I swear, I won't even touch you, I promise."

"I guess I never had the intention to attend my classes today anyway." Kurt said, thoughtful. And fun was something he could use right now, even if it was with Puck. "Alright, let's go." Kurt agreed, and Puck beamed.

Both boys stood up and grabbed their bags.

"It had better not to be a joke Puckerman." Kurt said, as they reached the emergency exit, behind the lodges. They didn't need to say it to agree that they'd better not walk through the whole school together with Finn walking around and, rightly, not wanting them to see each other.

"I'm pretty you're gonna love it." Puck answered. Kurt turned to look at him, he was smiling and looked almost like a child. However, a child would not have bruises on his cheek and eye.

"Does it hurt ?" Kurt asked.

"If I don't touch the ones on the face, it's like they're not even there. For my ribs, though, I never imagined I inhaled so many times in a single minute." Kurt winced, he had once had two broken ribs in a ski accident and the pain was terrible.

"You should go see a doctor." He advised Puck.

"I'll think about it." Puck answered, and to Kurt it sounded like 'no way, I'm a stud.' but he didn't push it.

"We're taking my car. I'm going to tell Finn I went home." Kurt explained, Puck nodded.

"Deal, But I get to drive since it's a surprise." Puck decided.

"Alright." Kurt said. He sat on the passenger seat and found himself feeling good for the first time since the last two days.

"Alright so now you let yourself go, I'm in charge." Puck said as he turned on the radio on Back in Black by ACDC, he turned the volume up so that you could hear the car blast the song from the outside.

"You're crazy, do you know that ?" Kurt said, trying and failing at hiding the smile that was stretching his lips.

"'Course I am, that's why I can come up with ideas like this one in desperate times." Puck explained as he exited the parking lot.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hope you liked it !**

**I don't think it will take me too long to write the following chapter since I already know about everything I'm going to put in it.**

**Also, I have a twitter account, so if you want you can harass me for me to write faster. (at sign)small_ant38**

**That's all I had to say.**

**Please let me know what you think of this chapter and if you have an idea of where our boys are going !**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

"I'm going to get some lunch here, you wait for me okay ?" Puck said. He had parked his truck in a parking lot and Kurt had no idea where they were.

"Alright, I need to call Finn anyway. Don't take anything for me, I'm not hungry." He said. His stomach had been a knot for the last twenty four hours and he could not eat a thing.

"Believe me, you'll be hungry, especially when you see what I'm gonna get you." Puck told him, a small smirk appearing at the corner of his eyes. Kurt knew that, in other times, he would have winked at him, he did that to everyone, but he was glad for Puck to realize it was inappropriate given the circumstances. Puck closed the car door and walked through the parking as Kurt took his phone and called Finn.

"Kurt ? Are you okay ?" Finn asked, concern audible five miles around.

"Yes I'm still alright Finn." Kurt told him gently. "However I feel really tired so I'm heading home for the rest of the day." He explained.

"Do you want me to come with you ? It's no problem, I just need to tell Rachel-"

"No Finn, I'm fine, I don't need you to come with me, I'll probably sleep through the afternoon anyway." Kurt told Finn. If Finn went home and didn't find him he would probably call Burt and Carole and tell them everything.

"You sure you don't need me ?" Finn asked, still unsure.

"I swear Finn, can't you hear it in my voice that I'm doing better ?" Kurt asked. After crying on the phone with Blaine, then with Puck, and releasing all the tension he had bottled up, his voice was steadier now and he was pretty sure he sounded like nothing ever happened.

"Alright. I'll be home by four. You should take a bath, relax and sleep." Finn said, and Kurt loved his brother in moments like this, he felt bad for lying to him.

"I'll do that. Thank you Finn." Kurt said, truly grateful.

"Anytime, see you at four bro." Finn said. They hung up and Kurt felt really guilty. He knew Finn wouldn't understand what he was doing with Puck right now, even he didn't really know what he was doing. All he knew was that he felt better than any time in the past two days.

"Hey ! So I've got everything but you don't get to see what it is until we're there okay ?" Puck asked, sitting at the driver seat.

"No problem." Kurt answered, feeling sick at the idea of eating.

"Did you call Finn ?" Puck asked as he started the ignition.

"I did. He offered me to come home as well so I told him that I was going to sleep and didn't need him."

"That's good." Puck said.

"It's not. I feel bad lying to him like that, all he wants is to help me get better and I just lie to him." Kurt said, biting his bottom lip as tension filled his body again.

"We can go back to Lima if you want, you decide." Puck said as the arrived at an intersection and lit the turn signal in direction of Lima. He waited for Kurt to answer though.

"Are you really sure I'm going to like it ? Where we're going I mean." Kurt asked, hesitating.

"Ninety nine percent. But we can go another time if you want. Or never, it's about you, you decide." He said. Kurt could hear through his voice that he really wanted to go, and Kurt was curious, had always been.

"Let's go to the left." He said, feeling a little bit adventurous. Puck smiled and did as he was told.

The drive was long and Kurt wasn't sure when he fell asleep, it was some time after they completely left civilization. He felt exhausted and his eyes simply refused to remain open more than a minute, riding in a car had always had this soporific effect on him, sometimes he felt like those people who pop too much pills and fall asleep anywhere. The road they were on was getting smaller as time and miles went by, they were surrounded by fields and little hills here and there.

Kurt opened his eyes when he felt the truck pull up by the side of the road, that was now more of a path.

"Here we are, wake up sleepy face." Puck said, already jumping out of the car.

"Where are we ?" Kurt asked, joining Puck as he grabbed the lunch bag from the back seats. Puck didn't answer, he walked to the trunk and Kurt had suddenly a flash of Puck taking at shovel out of it and hitting him to death with it. Alright, maybe he had not _fully_ recovered. "Do you plan to kill me and bury my body somewhere in the woods where no one would ever find me ?" Kurt asked before thinking about it.

"Sure I will, but I'd rather throw you in the lake with stones attached to your body so you'd drown and I'd be sure no one would ever find you." Puck answered casually. That's when Kurt noticed that the brightness behind the trees was water.

"Be quick then, but can you avoid my face ? I haven't had a facial in more than three days, I don't need any more damage on it." Kurt asked half honestly.

"I wouldn't buy lunch to someone I'm gonna kill." Puck said, taking his guitar case out of the trunk and closing its door. "And you look good, by the way." He added. Kurt blinked and didn't know how to react, except for his cheeks which blushed furiously. "I mean, you know, the whole facial thing you said." Puck added, clearly embarrassed at Kurt's reaction. "You shouldn't put all those products on your skin, can't do no good."

"You have no idea how dry my skin can get, and all those products are mostly moisturizers to keep my skin well, it's nothing chemical." Kurt explained. He managed to stop rambling before starting listing the names of good creams and bad ones, he did that when he felt tensed.

"Good to know." Puck said as awkwardly as Kurt felt.

"Sorry I'm rambling." Kurt muttered, looking at the floor, feeling stupid.

"It's okay. I don't know how to behave either." Puck said honestly, and Kurt felt relieved at that statement.

"At least you sound more confident than I do." Kurt said, feeling weak now. Usually he was the one who was self-confident, not letting any emotion shown through his shell.

"It's only in appearance, believe me. I... fuck, I have no words to tell you how sorry I am so I guess I just try to behave as if everything was normal." Puck explained.

"Why, you're good at it." Kurt said with a small smile. "But I guess on a normal day we wouldn't be standing in the countryside beside a lake on a school day." Kurt said, letting out a shy chuckle. Puck smiled back.

"About the lake." He said, walking towards the side of the path, his guitar case in one hand and the lunch bag in the other. He walked another few steps and disappeared from view between the trees and reeds. Kurt hesitated for a moment. "You coming ?" Puck asked from where he was. Kurt had no idea what was waiting for him behind the reeds but walked through them anyway, after all he was adventurous for once.

Once he was out of the reeds and branches he could finally the lake entirely, it was small for a lake but definitely too big to be a pond. There was a hill on the other side of the water and its reflection in the water was beautiful. He looked down and found Puck sitting in a bark. A _bark_, seriously ? It was the most atypical image Kurt had ever seen, Puck sitting in a green bark, an oar in each hand, his guitar case and lunch bag by his feet. Kurt blinked, once more, on the side of the bark was written _Noah_ in black letters.

"Are you gonna get in or just stare ?" Puck asked, amused at Kurt's bemused eyes. It snapped Kurt out of his torpor, he walked until his feet almost touched the dark water and stopped.

"I'm going to fall in the water." He stated, staring at the small gap between the land and the little boat.

"No you're not." Puck said as he stood up and offered his hands to Kurt. Kurt hesitated for a few seconds, he had not made physical contact with Puck since the night before and his hands reminded him of the way he had held his own hands firmly and touched Kurt and-

"'m sorry, that was uncalled for." Puck said, letting his hands fall on his sides.

"No, please help me." Kurt said, stretching out his hands to invite Puck to help him. Puck failed at hiding a small smile creeping on his face as he offered his hands again. Kurt grabbed them firmly and took a big step to step in the boat which swayed dangerously under his weight. He sat down as soon as he could, opposite to Puck so he faced him. "Oh gosh, I'm gonna die as a drowned person." He said as the boat swayed some more.

"Don't you like boats ?" Puck asked as he took an oar in each of his hands again.

"I do, it's just, I never feel safe in them." Kurt explained.

"This one's safe, believe me." Puck said as he started using the oars, but after two turns he winced and Kurt remembered his ribs and how dark they were the night before.

"Give me those." He said, gesturing the oars. Puck didn't let go of them though.

"No it's okay." He said.

"Puck, I'm pretty sure you have at least one broken rib so you give me those oars and that's final." Kurt demanded sternly. Puck muttered a low 'whatever', his brows furrowed as he gave Kurt the oars. "Where to ?" He asked.

"The middle of the lake." Puck said. Kurt took the bark to the middle of the lake, not saying a thing until it stopped.

"So, is that where you take the girls you want to impress ?" Kurt asked without thinking, and damn, he really should think before talking.

"I never took anyone here." Puck answered, staring at the surroundings, looking utterly relaxed. "I only come here by myself when I need to, you know, think, find solutions for the shit I do. I came a lot when Quinn was pregnant. I also came here the day I went out of juvie, I spent the night here, just lying and feeling good." He explained, and Kurt was astonished, Puck rarely opened to people like that.

"Sorry for the stupid assumption." Kurt said, looking at the water around him. "Why is the boat named Noah ?" Kurt asked to change the subject.

"It's my father's." Puck simply said. "Used to be. He bought it when I was born, named it after my name, thinking he'd take me fish here as I'd grow up." He explained.

"That's cute." Kurt answered. "Did you go fish often ?" He asked, glad to know about Puck's life.

"Once." Puck answered. "But apparently I had bad waves and made the fish flee, so he never took me back here with him again." Puck explained. "I had liked to go fish that one time." Puck said, his eyes lost in memories. "But he's right you know ? The fish won't come near me, I tried to come fishing after my dad left and I couldn't get one single fish !" Puck said, a small smile appearing in the corner of his lips. Kurt discovered that he really liked this part of Puck. He wasn't the jock right now, nor was he the badass stud who had any girl he wanted. He was Noah, the man who had been a boy before and didn't fear to talk about it. He wasn't ashamed of his past, of his family, he was simply Noah. And that side of him was ashamed of getting his best friend's girlfriend's pregnant, he was ashamed of ever landing in juvie. Kurt had seen all that in his eyes when he told him about it.

"Do you wanna eat ?" Puck offered, taking the bag that was at his feet. Kurt was about to decline, saying that he did not feel like eating once again when his stomach made a groaning noise at the smell of a cinnamon roll. "I'll take that as a yes." Puck said, smirking as he took a small tupperware box out of the bag. He handed it to Kurt who opened it and found a surprisingly hot cinnamon roll in it. He smiled at the idea of eating his favorite pastry in such a beautiful place. "There's also a slice of apple pie for you." Puck said, putting a small carton box in front of Kurt's crossed legs.

"Do you want me to turn fat ?" Kurt asked. Eating a cinnamon roll _and_ a slice of apple pie in one lunch, that would sure go straight to his hips.

"You could eat ten of these you wouldn't be fat." Puck told him, taking a bite of his own sandwich. "Seriously dude, Finn told me that you hate to eat like a rabbit, just do as you please, if you want to eat pastries for lunch, do it !"

"Yeah, right, and after that I eat only salad for one week." Kurt said rolling his eyes, but taking a bite of the cinnamon roll anyway.

"You only live once, Kurt." Puck told him. The rest of lunch went silently, both of them enjoying the quiet environment and the deliciousness of their food. When he was done eating, Kurt took Puck's guitar and played Wonderwall, the only song he ever learned to play. They sang along, their voices echoing with to the trees and the hill surrounding them, creating a closed space. After that Kurt yawned loudly.

"You should take a nap." Puck told him. Kurt nodded, placed the scarf he only used to cover his hickeys under his head and laid down. The light swaying of the bark rocked him slowly, and Kurt drifted off to sleep in less than five minutes.

Puck watched as Kurt fell asleep peacefully, catching up with the sleep Puck had stolen from him. At first he had intended to take him bowling since he knew Kurt loved bowling, but Kurt looked exhausted and would certainly not have the strength to play throughout the afternoon. And Puck had his ribs really sore and he didn't think bowling was a good idea for that either. So he had opted for the lake, and Kurt seemed to like the place and forget as much as he could, so he had made the right decision.

Watching Kurt sleep like that, Puck admitted to himself for the first time sober, that Kurt was truly the most beautiful human being he had ever seen.

Puck let Kurt sleep until two, they couldn't leave much later or Finn would get home before Kurt. Puck played the guitar and sang lowly while watching Kurt sleep, he wasn't watching him in a creepy way, it was tender, and Kurt knew he was here so he was not intruding anything.

While Kurt oared to go back to the bank, Puck gathered the strength to ask the question he had wanted to ask for a long time now.

"Kurt ?" He called. Kurt lifted his eyes to meet Puck's. "How do you think things would have turned out if I had not behaved like a jerk Monday morning ?" He asked. Kurt thought about it for a little while.

"I don't know." He answered. "I guess it would have been just awkward between us, I don't think we'd have talked about it. I would have hidden myself from you as much as possible, feeling utterly embarrassed." Kurt added.

" I don't regret what we did on Sunday night you know ? I regret every single thing I did after that but I don't regret what we did that night." He said honestly.

"I don't think I do either." Kurt answered, he was staring right in Puck's eyes, and Puck knew he wasn't lying.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi guys ! I know it's been a while, and you can't know how sorry I am about it, but my laptop is slowly dying, switching off every ten minutes for no reason...**

**I found the idea for this chapter last night, at first I really thought they would go bowling, and decided not to go to my lectures to write it properly.**

**Please tell me what you think about it ! I'll try not to take so much time to update the next chapter.**

**Love you all.**

**Ant.**

**=)**


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